Please forgive this poor sinner for how long it has been since I have last prayed to you. I swear that it wasn’t because of a lack of faith or loss of wanting to be wrapped in your grace. Earthly matters have taken up my attention over the past few weeks, and while I know that’s no excuse for allowing a lapse in my prayers, I also know that you see all and that you know my time has been spent in service to you.
I attended a church service yesterday that moved me profoundly. There was a guest speaker, a Reverend David Holloway. Truly you have given him great gifts, Lord, as his sermon filled the entire congregation with the warmth of your glory. He spoke of your many works, and of the need for your people to go out into the world and spread your word so that the world might perform its own works in line with your example. It was a call to action, one that filled us to overflowing with love and light, more than enough to pass on to our fellow man.
Later that evening, I sat at home thinking about the sermon, and I suddenly realized just how far I’ve come. I don’t think anyone really understands and appreciates the extent of their personal journey while it’s happening, not unless they really sit back and take honest stock of it.
For so many years, I was a lost lamb with no flock. I was alone, scared, and feeling that the world had no use for me. If I had met someone like Reverend David then, I’m certain that he would have brought me into the light of your love, but alas, that was not to be.
Instead of me finding you, you found it in your infinite wisdom to bring your majesty to me. You must have seen that I was too far gone to ever find my own path. You could have left me to rot, to come to the inevitable end that my way of living would have led to, but you did not. You offered me your hand to help pull me up and an invitation to teach me how to stand. My gratitude for that and all that you’ve given me since knows no bounds.
It amazes me that so many people speak of their devotion to God, but don’t truly understand what God is. In the Bible, John 4:24 proclaims that “God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth”. There are many examples within the book’s pages that reinforce this concept. A whisper on the night wind, a voice from a flaming bush, and more. The portrayal of God in the Bible is that of a being that stands apart from his people.
Perhaps that is good enough for those that put their faith in a book stitched together from stories, legends, and, at best, third hand accounts. The Satanists, although they would argue otherwise, are cut from the same cloth. Both groups seem satisfied to worship deities from afar and trust that these unseen entities will toss them enough scraps to survive on.
I know what God truly is. I know this, oh Lord, because you have shown me that God walks among us, and He is truly great.
I remember the moment that you came to me and made me yours. One moment I was lying face down on a wet sidewalk, the cold rain pouring down on me as I slowly bled out from being stabbed while no one around me cared about my condition. I knew that I had reached my end, and I am ashamed to admit that a large part of me welcomed it.
Suddenly the rain stopped. I was no longer lying on pavement, but instead in a grassy field underneath a black sky filled with infinite stars. My pain was gone, and my wound no longer bled. I stood up and looked around. The field seemed to go on forever. In front of me was a huge bonfire, at least ten stories tall and just as wide at the base. The red flames licked at black wood. Heat radiated from it and blasted against me. I had never felt anything that hot before.
That is when you walked around the side and into view, God. No, ‘walked’ isn’t the right word. There was purpose and power behind every movement. It was more like a storm rolling in. I apologize, Lord. Language has limitations that act as shackles on describing you and your ways.
You approached me, and you towered over me. I was nothing to you. I was less than a single thread in the infinite tapestry of existence, and you were the weaver of that tapestry.
The human mind is not equipped to handle the sight of God. I could process certain aspects of you, but not everything that stood before me. Your great antlers extended from your inconceivable faces, their broken points replaced by flickering fire. Your skin was like onyx that was constantly shifting and changing. Your three faces looked towards me and through me and at everything else in your kingdom. Your four legs dug into the earth like pillars supporting a temple.
I fell to my knees before you. I was nothing, and you were all. To my amazement, though, you reached down and pulled me back up. You looked directly into my eyes and saw all that I was.
And you found me worthy! Without you saying a word I knew that I would walk with you for the rest of my life. Tears of joy filled my eyes as I accepted my place at your feet.
You laid one of your great hands upon my head and baptized me before the great bonfire with blood so hot it boiled. As it poured down upon me, it scorched and burned the words of your scriptures directly onto my soul. While lesser religions rely on the written word to pass along their messages, I feel and know every syllable of your decrees at all times. I am truly one with God.
When you had finished, I looked up at your glory once more and knew that I was now a part of the one true faith. My God doesn’t look down on His people from a cloud in the sky or up at them from a dank pit. No, my God walks among us, culling the weak and creating the strong. His judgment is of blood and flame. Those that do not heed His words shall be broken in the dirt before Him and devoured in His many jaws.
Since that moment of my rebirth, I have sought to spread your message as you commanded. In your infinite wisdom you saw that this is a task that I am well-suited for. I do not have the way with words necessary to grow your church like Reverend David, but I have the tools to bring your will to the non-believers.
Just last night I shared your will in accordance with your scriptures with an affluent family in VIrginia. I entered their home in the night and brought them together in the largest room on the first floor of the house. One by one, I burned your mark into their foreheads, baptizing them with searing heat as you had once done for me. I then spilled their blood and poured it into their mouths in holy communion. WIth their souls ready to offer to your eternal embrace, I brought the flames of the great bonfire to the house to cleanse it with fire.
I hope that you have accepted these small offerings, and the many that I sent to you before them. I shall continue to follow your words and ways all the days of my life. I am yours, oh Lord, forever and ever.